In Game: vs. George Mason
Posted: Fri Feb 09, 2024 6:10 pm
Continuing with my theme of funny stories that happened in court:
This story didn't happen to me but was told to me by the late Charles Lamm, who resided near Mooresville on Lake Norman. He was an oldtimer who held court all over North Carolina. This story came from either Richmond or Ansom County, I forget which. But both are east of Charlotte, nestled along the border with South Carolina, with the Pee Dee River dividing the two counties. Both are rural, predominately farming communities.
It seems that a local woman was on trial for assault with a deadly weapon inflicting serious bodily injury. She had shot her boyfriend, a notorious womanizer, with a .410 shotgun after she caught him in flagrante delicto with another woman in bed. The defendant aimed for, and hit, his privates with a load of birdshot; while it wasn't a point-blank shot, it was close enough to do a considerable amount of damage to the victim's manhood.
The DA had the victim on the witness stand and needed him to testify to certain aspects of the charge relating to his injuries. For "serious bodily injury" to be the applicable charge to send to the jury, the man needed to testify about the damage done to his parts and state that they were disfiguring and permanent.
The victim, a local farmhand and sawmill worker, was having a hard time understanding just what the DA was getting at when he asked if he'd suffered a disabling injury. Superior Court, with its formalities and customs, was confusing to a simple farm hand. The DA couldn't get him to say the magic words in response to his gentle prodding. Finally, Judge Lamm looked down at him in the witness box and asked, "Sir, have you healed up?" The answer was yes. "Now that you've healed, is everything working okay down there?" The man looked straight at Judge Lamm and said, "Well, Judge, it f**ks okay, but it pisses sideways."
The DA had the answer to the question he needed. The courtroom roared with laughter, and it took the Judge a bit to restore order, but the DA rested his case at that point; he got a conviction from the jury. Judge Lamm told me he went pretty easy on the defendant when he sentenced her, because, in his words, "that guy needed shooting to teach him a lesson."
GO CATS!
This story didn't happen to me but was told to me by the late Charles Lamm, who resided near Mooresville on Lake Norman. He was an oldtimer who held court all over North Carolina. This story came from either Richmond or Ansom County, I forget which. But both are east of Charlotte, nestled along the border with South Carolina, with the Pee Dee River dividing the two counties. Both are rural, predominately farming communities.
It seems that a local woman was on trial for assault with a deadly weapon inflicting serious bodily injury. She had shot her boyfriend, a notorious womanizer, with a .410 shotgun after she caught him in flagrante delicto with another woman in bed. The defendant aimed for, and hit, his privates with a load of birdshot; while it wasn't a point-blank shot, it was close enough to do a considerable amount of damage to the victim's manhood.
The DA had the victim on the witness stand and needed him to testify to certain aspects of the charge relating to his injuries. For "serious bodily injury" to be the applicable charge to send to the jury, the man needed to testify about the damage done to his parts and state that they were disfiguring and permanent.
The victim, a local farmhand and sawmill worker, was having a hard time understanding just what the DA was getting at when he asked if he'd suffered a disabling injury. Superior Court, with its formalities and customs, was confusing to a simple farm hand. The DA couldn't get him to say the magic words in response to his gentle prodding. Finally, Judge Lamm looked down at him in the witness box and asked, "Sir, have you healed up?" The answer was yes. "Now that you've healed, is everything working okay down there?" The man looked straight at Judge Lamm and said, "Well, Judge, it f**ks okay, but it pisses sideways."
The DA had the answer to the question he needed. The courtroom roared with laughter, and it took the Judge a bit to restore order, but the DA rested his case at that point; he got a conviction from the jury. Judge Lamm told me he went pretty easy on the defendant when he sentenced her, because, in his words, "that guy needed shooting to teach him a lesson."
GO CATS!
